Grza's Weekly Film Reviews

Hey Folks,

We here at The Shitizens are proud to introduce a new weekly feature, TheGrza's Weekly Film Reviews. This week, The Notorious Bettie Page.

"Who's my Bettie Page? She's gotta look spot on! This is Important, Goddammit, most IMPORTANT is the look! No new takes or interesting dynamics, no acting, somebody who looks the part! This is a visual movie, designed for two types of people. There's the suckers, who don't know Bettie Page but that she was some old porno queen, white liberals, wife disapproves of porn and his testes are wrapped around some bra-mag softcore somewhere, but this is free-speech, these are the social dynamics of a Republican era, just like today! He'll bring up McCarthy, lie for a little titillation in his sad life, for one moment with tied up busty bushy raven-hair minx instead of this dyke-cropped kiddie-titted school-marm in a brown sweater. That's our market and their boring, submissive wives. He paid for a movie, dinner at the Olive Garden where they filled up on the free bread sticks, and if she ever wants to get out of the house again, she'll enjoy the movie and the slow, limp fuck that follows.

"The other one is a Bettie Page freak, an obese sociophobic mutant, read her goddamn biography a million times, I can't believe I'm explaining the template for a Hollywood biography, he loves to be foreshadowed in on a joke he already knows, That guy took the picture I jack off to, his name is, I don't know, but I'm not going to watch this piece of shit movie, they are and they love being inside, even if it's only a movie.

"I see a photo shoot every other scene, all the exposition in studio so we can have some nice titties out, the mol's got great tits, right? Do it fast, craft the Bettie Page persona within a matter of seconds, remember, this is about their testicles not their story organs. Oh, add some molesting and rape scenes, just throw 'em, in there without any context and let the viewer relax into an ironic 1950's sexual puritanism, that there's no way a woman could own her sexuality without being the victim of sexual abuse. Hell, it gives the losers another jerk-off scene."

★☆☆☆☆