Skin Wars

So I took Colton to the 12:00 showing of Clone Wars this afternoon. We sat in the middle of the theater because there was ample seating as you may imagine. We were halfway through the previews when a woman came into the theater with three young boys. Out of all of the spots in the theater they came and sat directly next to me. Like I said, there was ample seating. The woman took drink orders from the loud children and the left them alone next to me. She then came back and sat in the seat right next to me, and proceeded to eat incredibly loudly for 10-15 minutes all the while shushing loudly the even louder children. I'm extremely irate, like to the point of almost saying something to her, but I'm so flabbergasted that she's even sitting that close to me in the first place. So then things get crazy. She apparently ate her entire snack platter and decided that she was still hungry because she started peeling the skin of her sunburned shoulder and eating it. WTF... She was scratching her arm with her long fingernails and it was making a horrible noise and then she wtf started eating her goddamn skin. Could this really be happening? Surely it's a trick of the light and... no, it's not... she's really eating her own flesh not 3 inches from me during the worst movie I've seen in years. I thought about complaining to the management, but what would I tell them? "Excuse me but we've got a skin muncher in aisle 7 seat 4." At one point I looked directly at her for several seconds thinking maybe she would notice that I was watching her eat herself. She had to know I was there considering she was taking up half of my seat. I vomited into my mouth a little bit and decided to take immediate action. I whispered to Colton that we were going to have to move to a different seat because the lady next to me had been peeling off her skin and eating it for the last 45 minutes. He said okay, so we packed up our stuff and snuck past the circus freak and went to the bathroom where I scrubbed my hands for a while and explained that we were going to have to give up our choice seats because of the very gross lady. We sat up front and finished the very awful movie in peace. The End. Gross.


AA said...

You should have spit that little bit of vomit on the inconsiderate b's arm.

ETC said...

or.... maybe you could share?