Eric: Hello Grantwa
me: Hey.
What's up?
Eric: nuthin. I ate some food...
couldn't move houses yesterday... gotta wait till tomorrow now...
so I'm kinda just waiting for tomorrow.
me: Why the wait?
Let's say you had a giant picture, what, 10 megapixels or something. So 10 million pixels, right? Ok, so lets say you had a computer program that cropped it in every possible location and size, right? How many would that be?
That's a second question.
or THE second question.
Eric: landlady didn't move out yet...
me: Nobody's waiting for you to leave to get into your place, are they?
Or is this like dominos.
Eric: well... there not in till the 1st
so thats not a prob
but...uhhh... math?
I don't know your answeres
sounds maybe exponential in a way
me: Yes, but what way.
Didn't you kick ass in math in High School?
Or do they make you forget all that when you go to art school.
Eric: I did pretty well... I could have maybe told you six years ago
or 8
how ever long ago that was
what are you up to? Math?
Sent at 4:06 PM on Wednesday
me: No..
Sent at 4:10 PM on Wednesday
Eric: Looked up yer mobius glass - thats pretty sweet
me: I just had an idea, but I'm starting to think it'd be terrible, of a computer program that would take enormous, I mean, thousand megapixel enormous, pictures and then crop it into all its possibilities, and have some organization of humans to sift through it and relatively value each one, skimming off the best and then having them as a collection. But that's gotta be billions...or worse...trillions...
Eric: yeah.... thats a lot
me: Yeah. We need more humans.
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me: What the fuck?
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me: You're not receptive today, are you.
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me: And super insistent about it.
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me: I mean, I get it.,
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me: Was it the more humans thing?
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me: Because that's pretty offensive.
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me: Or is this the internet becoming a Klein bottle.
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me: And we're looping into unreceptivity. This might be what catatonia feels like.
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me: Just a screaming stream of did not receives.
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me: I try to speak...
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me: Only to hear that I am not heard.
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me: But I am still personified.
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me: And am now existentially conditioned to be unheard.
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me: Uncool.
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me: I try to type and am told, before I even speak now, that I will be unheard.
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me: It is a fight, then.
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me: Between my brain and your brain.
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me: Your brain wants to suppress me, turn me into a vegetable
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me: And in my impotence, I might submit.
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me: I must submit, really, or keep talking to myself.
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me: Silence or Trapp-ed-ness.
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me: Is there an alternative?
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me: Ok, so suppose I'm mad.
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me: In this instance, my words cannot be heard and I am aware of it.
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me: Or my ideas are not communicated, but that's really a semantic difference, right?
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me: No, I think its that I cannot be heard.
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me: I am shut, into a closet.
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me: Is there an out-of-the-closet, I begin to wonder.
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me: Or only closet and not-being-heardness.
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me: I retreat into my brain.
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me: I cannot verify anything, beyond my own words.
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me: Do I root it in my words? Or are we here at bottom of the linguistic turn?
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me: Is this the reality we're heading toward?
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me: The cumulative effect of internet.
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me: Words and words alone, but now my words.
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me: I am given a tool through a non-mad (or in this case, non-internet) childhood.
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me: Then, when I am incorporated into the machinery, made defensive about leaving it, made to understand that my choices are to speak or not to speak, and that speaking is better or to be valued, or worse, the source of all value.
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me: Then I am placed into the mad (or in this case, internet) adulthood and my conditions are clear; I am a speaker, for whom all value is in communication, and communication is made impossible, and am given no alternatives.
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me: I could, conceivably, still speak to myself, but for your constant speech; for every time I speak, you speak more, but the same.
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me: For every time I begin, you become concrete already.
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me: So my reality is either one of practiced ignorance, of your speech, or practiced ignorance of my own desire to speak.
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me: If I not-value speech, I cannot escape the logic, intentionally implanted, no doubt, that to not speak is to succumb to meaninglessness, to fail to exist properly.
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me: To become a not-valuer, though I would need to formulate an alternative logic, in spite of your interruptions.
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me: My recourse now is lesser, to become just the transcriptionist of your crimes against me, to broaden the possible outlets for my closet, and hope that it is you who are insane, the manifestation of internet logics, and that you will be prosecuted for the crimes you insist on repeating to me.
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