18.5.10

I WANT A MACHINE

I want a machine that would vibrate my vocal chords for me all the time at a screaming level. Re-route my esophagus around the chords, so they will be like a little pocket of screams in my neck. Then run a tube from my screaming either into the roof of my mouth or out the top of my head. Each has its own advantages and disadvantages. If it is into the roof of my mouth, maybe I get liquids in my vocal chords and my screaming sounds muffled by the liquids. Also, I would always be screaming but it would have intonations, either by opening and closing my mouth or actually using my lips. I wouldn't want to use my lips, but it would be hard and I wouldn't want to keep my mouth shut always, so I might be tempted to communicate. Yet, in the mouth, it would resonate throughout my head and be more startling to hear because it is related to expectations of screams. Out the top of my head, I could get dirt and grime into the tube from my hair and skin. But, it would always be screaming, regardless of my mouth position, and it would resist nearly all intonation except hats and corks. Hats would be a problem because they easily solve the fluid problem, but then I would have to always have muffled screams. If I had to choose between all screaming and all muffled screams, I'm going to go with the screaming one. Partly because that seems like the point. Nobody installs a sub-woofer in the center of their body cavity to just rumble.

I would need some sort of hat that wasn't right on my head but was a large sheet of glass posted on four poles connected to my shoulders. It would be slanted so rain and dew would fall off to one side and not drip into my hole. It would be three or four feet off of my head so it wouldn't impede the sound so much. Or I could have like a trumpet spit valve put on my neck attached to the vocal pocket and drain it when I start to scream gurgly. I actually like the spit valve idea a lot, because maybe the glass still points the sound too much. Although, if it is slanted backwards, then it projects my screaming forward, which is not ideal but neither is straight up into nothing.

Ok, it's decided. Pocket off vocal chords, run tube to the top of head, no hats, slanted sheet of glass or something, scream all the time.

New problem: won't my vocal chords get very damaged from all this screaming? Yes, unfortunately. Will there be a way to treat this? What, like dump tea down the whole? No. Because it would even be screaming in the midst of the tea. I project that I will scream like this until my screaming gets really scratchy and patchy and then look for people to donate their chords. Maybe they will be impressed with my idea and just give them to me, or maybe they want to finally be silent without being dead. I think they will not allow me on a donor list, because of my ideas about screaming forever. I am also ok with being really scratchy and distorted until it is a wheezing rasp, as long as we can still call that screaming, as long as they are still intact enough for the rustling to make sounds in my head, which probably isn't a lot if I'm right about all this.

I do not see any further problems with my plan.

7 comments:

E-- said...

house keeping

IlllllllllllllI said...

There is only the small... picture5. Just the small picture5.

E-- said...

poof

IlllllllllllllI said...

If you're going to put poofs everywhere, at least have the decency to come up with a better name. This long ass |//|/\ pile of shit is killing me.

E-- said...

Here goes nothin'

IlllllllllllllI said...

God thank you. That's been killing me for a year.

ecelliam said...

WOW ! what words in your blog:
I'm stunnedly amazed.

I will keep reading you. and Thank you