Right Wright Rite Left Wrong

Remember when we used to post pictures of dead babies.
Those were awesome.

Blah blah hibbity bah.

So, Dan shot me in the face the other day. That was nice. Right in the middle of my freakin head from 30 yards.
Thats what we want to hear about. Getting shot in the face. Thats the solace we all search for. A short relief. It helps us forget our crappy job in a suburb record shop or finals or kids or the fact that now I'm supposed to decide what life is going to be because this is some big turning point or something. Thats the type of thing that can bring a group of friends together -- one of them shooting me in the face with a 9-mm. Remember how much blood there was?... amazing. Before I lost complete coherence... During those last few gurgling breaths I remember trying to blink my eyes. They kind of blinked... The muscles worked like they were supposed to, expanding and contracting in the way that would make a flap of skin flap like the skin should... the flesh moved, muscle tugged on a chunk of eyelid... but the light and the red was still there. There was a lot of light and red... It was wet. Wet like Trevor. None of us were really sure that it happened.

So now, not only am I graduating... not only do we have to attend some atrocious wedding and wear all black Chucks made by Indonesian children, but you now all get to attend the first shitizens funeral. Closed casket... no, open. I'll wear some cool mask... skull mask.... I would like to be naked, and I would like to have my face tattooed on my chest. A big smiling ugly mug of me. And around my face... the one tattooed on my chest... I would like a crest made of sharks... Also, instead of separating out the funeral time and the reception afterwards... I would like to consolidate... Why don't we hollow out my stomach cavity, and put a big bowl in it filled with fruit or punch or a mini keg. This way... You get to come up to to see the body... my maimed and skull sheathed face, and get a little snack all in one blow.


Maybe instead of the tattoo there could be some sharpies on the casket and people could right me a little note.

"Wish you were here... in like, a different way" written across the implied lines of my rib cage.



ETC said...

I'm sorry, the wedding isn't atrocious.... Its awesome. You're awesome too. Man, there is so much awesome stuff I just might have a break down. Today was my last class! Blammo! Boo Yah! Hoo-ray.

I'm supposed to go try on my tux sometime here... You wanna give me a ride sometime Dan?


Justice Rare said...

I think I'm going tomorrow at like 10 or something cause I have to work at noon, so give me a call if you are down for going at that time