Meat-Suit

Hm. No, still not right.

I don't understand sir, this is not the right fabric?

No, not the right fabric. It needs girth. Do you have cotton?

Sir, this is cotton.

Straw-fed cotton?

Sir. Fed cotton?

Yes. Um. Straw Fed.

Sir, I don't believe we do.

You don't believe what?

I don't believe we carry...what was it again, sir?

Straw-fed, fed straw cotton, as in Cotton fibers that eat dried grasses.

Herbivorous cotton, Sir.

Yes, I suppose.

Is sir thinking of some type of meat? Beef, perhaps? Beef is sometimes straw-fed.

You make beef suits?

No sir, I don't believe we carry Beef Suits, however we are very accommodating and we might be willing to do all the work in house. We would probably have an easier time sewing steaks together than finding that rarest of Cotton, that Straw-Fed variety.

How much for the suit.

What suit, sir?

The meat suit.

Well.

Can it be steak, really?

Steak, sir?

Indeed, how much for a Sirloin Suit.

Well, I would imagine in the high three figures, the suit itself.

Quite the price.

Of course, that's without the set, sir, broccoli gloves, mashed potato top hat with a gravy monocle.

I'm just looking for a suit, please don't try to sell me on the accessories, it's tiresome.

Yes sir, thank you, sir. If sir, who is so well versed in fine herbivorous fabrics, as well as the art of the high-end salesman, sir who will probably, at this time next week be wearing a suit made entirely of meat, sewn together with tendon-

Tendon? Fresh tendon?

Indeed sir, only the finest tendon. If sir, well versed in harbivorous fabrics, the art of the high-end salesman,with his meat and tendon suit requests, if sir finds my tactics ungentlemanly, I apologize. I must have lost myself in the heady dream of food-based clothing.

Apologies accepted, I'm a forgiving person.

Yes sir. Of course. Now, what sort of fabric. Ahem. Fabric girth were you looking for, sir? Specifically, will you be dining upon the suit?

Is it normal for people to eat your suits? As if goat or raccoon?

No sir, not like a goat, nor a raccoon, ironically, the steak suit is most often chewed as, well, as one would a bovine cud.

That will do nicely, actually, it will hold me off until you get proper cotton.

Free-range cotton sir?

What?

Nothing, sir. Will this be charged? To a card of some kind? Someway to guarantee payment?

This meat suit seems like it should be tax deductible.

Sir, I couldn't see any reason why not.

Fine then, the Corporate Card.

Right over here sir, and one swipe and you've actually purchased, yes, very good, purchased a meat suit.

Which you now have to make, if I'm not mistaken.

Oh yes, sir, indeed. I'll be right on it.

I do have to sign for this purchase.

Yes, obviously, sir, right there. The line. Meat.

Meat? You said meat?

Suit. Meat suit. Just rolling it about in the old head, sir.

Good. There. I've signed it. I've purchased a meat suit.

Six to ten days sir, it should be done. Well. To your specifications.

The suit.

Yes, sir, the suit. The meat suit.

Good. well, I look forward to that.

To your meat suit.

Yes. Good day.

Meat suit.