10.3.06

you won't feel any better about yourself

Attn: Nate, Grant, Aaron, Eric, Cole
You dirty dogs need to get fitted for your tuxedos. I am registered at the Men's Whorehouse, Eric, Aaron, and Cole you all should plan on doing this very soon and we can all go together. Nate and Grant, you have two options. Option number One: go to a mens whorehouse in washington and get fitted, I have a registration number for you. Option number two: go to a place that makes suits and get your measurements and let me know what they are as soon as possible. This all needs to be taken care of by the first week in April, so no time for slacking. Also, you all need to get straight black low top or high top chucky T's, and don't get them dirty you slippery bastards. Dress shoes just wreak of sophistication and more importantly are ridiculously shiny. So, for those of you still in the metro, get a hold of me or I will get a hold of you. Now for the business, this shit is gonna cost like a hundred bucks to rent the tuxedo and whatever the shoes cost on top of that. I know you all have $100 you can part with, and don't give me that trip to Europe bullshit, I have been grooming all you tarts for this moment and won't have any of that pseudo poverty non-sense stand in my way now. You wanna talk about bridezilla, I'll hang you cocksuckers by your eyelashes and tickle your colon with a screwdriver if you fuck this up for me, and your out of the coattails agreement. Bummer about Kirby, huh?

7 comments:

Anna Nym said...

I know that this blog wasn't meant for me, but someone should have told you that Aaron isn't attending your wedding, Kevin's wedding, or Eric's graduation. He is taking off for the summer to walk half of the AT.

dent burntrap said...

that's right sucka

dent burntrap said...

Ms. Nym's statement is technically correct but the spirit of it is way off base. Don't look at it like i am missing your wedding, but look at it like i am missing out on your wedding, and mourn for my loss. Though I will not be in attendance at your ceremony i will be in deep contemplation and prayer over your life old and new.

madam tyrant said...

Huh, well I must say that I am dissapointed but not entirely suprised, in fact not suprised at all. I mean of course the AT is only open for what 6 months out of EVERY year and we a re getting msrried for what like 4 hours of one night of one day of one year. I can see how it would be hard to work around such tiem consuming permaters. And seeing how May 12 is right in the middle of peek summer hiking time, and don't give me that shit about may being a nice time to be hiking. Anyway, I'm sorry that we inconvienced you with the offering to take part in the most important and beautiful day in our young and fragile lives. I hope your dumbass gets eaten by the biggest fuckin' polar bear to ever walk the AT. Dick.

madam tyrant said...

Huh, well I must say that I am dissapointed but not entirely suprised, in fact not suprised at all. I mean of course the AT is only open for what 6 months out of EVERY year and we are getting married for what like 4 hours of one night of one day of one year. I can see how it would be hard to work around such time consuming perameters. And seeing how May 12 is right in the middle of peek summer hiking time, and don't give me that shit about may being a nice time to be hiking, I can see why you would need to be gone for our wedding and Eric's graduation. Fuck Kevin and Sara's wedding, I think it's safe to say that their wedding is going to suck, so don't feel bad about that, I'm sure you won't. Funny how you are going on a big trip and missing such prestigious social events. Aaron, i think you have some deep rooted, well maybe not that deep, psychological issues that you need to deal with. Do you have some Daddy issues that you should get out? Anyway, I'm sorry that we inconvienced you with the offering to take part in the most important and beautiful day in our young and fragile lives. I hope your dumbass gets eaten by the biggest fuckin' polar bear to ever walk the AT. Dick.

dent burntrap said...

"Attn: Nate, Grant, Aaron, Eric, Cole
You dirty dogs need to get fitted for your
tuxedos. I am registered at the Men's
Whorehouse, Eric, Aaron, and Cole you all should
plan on doing this very soon and we can all go
together."



this is the first moment i have heard of any active role in your wedding. up until this morning i had it in my mind that i was being a dick for missing your wedding. As in Seeing it take place.
So i will own up to that yeah i'm a dick. But Skipping out on being in your wedding? I would not have planned anything knowingly going against anything such as your wedding if i knew i was expected to participate in it. And being that it is oh 2 months away now, and i still hadn't heard of any plot concerning the wedding that involved me i thought i could safely assume that i was not in any plot concerning the wedding. i was wrong.
i'm guessing that you thought that
i was already aware that i was supposed to be in your wedding. (i still don't know what it was you wanted me to do ie. usher, ring bearer, flower girl, reception guitarist...)
whether you thought you told me personally or assumed the info would float to me somhow
I don't know.
well, with the info that i was privy to i planned accordingly. I figured you'd still be married when i got back so shoot ....

Elevenhippos said...

I would like to state that Kevin and Sarah's wedding will suck. I would also like to state for the record that it is neither Sarah's or Kevin's fault. There was a factor involved that caused the whole thing to get wildly out of hand. Furthermore, let it be noted that we wanted to have a BBQ for our wedding which got overruled as soon as it was mentioned to the great monster of chaos and order.