10.3.06

you won't feel any better about yourself

Attn: Nate, Grant, Aaron, Eric, Cole
You dirty dogs need to get fitted for your tuxedos. I am registered at the Men's Whorehouse, Eric, Aaron, and Cole you all should plan on doing this very soon and we can all go together. Nate and Grant, you have two options. Option number One: go to a mens whorehouse in washington and get fitted, I have a registration number for you. Option number two: go to a place that makes suits and get your measurements and let me know what they are as soon as possible. This all needs to be taken care of by the first week in April, so no time for slacking. Also, you all need to get straight black low top or high top chucky T's, and don't get them dirty you slippery bastards. Dress shoes just wreak of sophistication and more importantly are ridiculously shiny. So, for those of you still in the metro, get a hold of me or I will get a hold of you. Now for the business, this shit is gonna cost like a hundred bucks to rent the tuxedo and whatever the shoes cost on top of that. I know you all have $100 you can part with, and don't give me that trip to Europe bullshit, I have been grooming all you tarts for this moment and won't have any of that pseudo poverty non-sense stand in my way now. You wanna talk about bridezilla, I'll hang you cocksuckers by your eyelashes and tickle your colon with a screwdriver if you fuck this up for me, and your out of the coattails agreement. Bummer about Kirby, huh?

5 comments:

Anna Nimh said...

I know that this blog wasn't meant for me, but someone should have told you that Aaron isn't attending your wedding, Kevin's wedding, or Eric's graduation. He is taking off for the summer to walk half of the AT.

Dent Burntrap said...

that's right sucka

Dent Burntrap said...

Ms. Nym's statement is technically correct but the spirit of it is way off base. Don't look at it like i am missing your wedding, but look at it like i am missing out on your wedding, and mourn for my loss. Though I will not be in attendance at your ceremony i will be in deep contemplation and prayer over your life old and new.

Dent Burntrap said...

"Attn: Nate, Grant, Aaron, Eric, Cole
You dirty dogs need to get fitted for your
tuxedos. I am registered at the Men's
Whorehouse, Eric, Aaron, and Cole you all should
plan on doing this very soon and we can all go
together."



this is the first moment i have heard of any active role in your wedding. up until this morning i had it in my mind that i was being a dick for missing your wedding. As in Seeing it take place.
So i will own up to that yeah i'm a dick. But Skipping out on being in your wedding? I would not have planned anything knowingly going against anything such as your wedding if i knew i was expected to participate in it. And being that it is oh 2 months away now, and i still hadn't heard of any plot concerning the wedding that involved me i thought i could safely assume that i was not in any plot concerning the wedding. i was wrong.
i'm guessing that you thought that
i was already aware that i was supposed to be in your wedding. (i still don't know what it was you wanted me to do ie. usher, ring bearer, flower girl, reception guitarist...)
whether you thought you told me personally or assumed the info would float to me somhow
I don't know.
well, with the info that i was privy to i planned accordingly. I figured you'd still be married when i got back so shoot ....

Elevenhippos said...

I would like to state that Kevin and Sarah's wedding will suck. I would also like to state for the record that it is neither Sarah's or Kevin's fault. There was a factor involved that caused the whole thing to get wildly out of hand. Furthermore, let it be noted that we wanted to have a BBQ for our wedding which got overruled as soon as it was mentioned to the great monster of chaos and order.